"Red, are you awake?"

Sometime over the past few years, I had gotten used to waking up out of nightmares. I wholeheartedly expected to wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, but I was greeted by warm sunlight and the earthy scent of a pumpkin-flavored candle.

I rubbed my eyes. Something was clearly wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on what— I felt drugged, sluggish, almost-hungover-but-not-quite. There was a looming anxiety that I expected to hit me at any moment, but it never actually did. It just floated at the edges of my mind, like my brain couldn't quite process what was going on.

As I started to wake up a little, I realized that I was in bed. I was surrounded by pillows and blankets, most of which smelled like they had been shoved in a closet somewhere. When I looked up, I saw Alice sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Alice?" I croaked, "What happened?"

"Shhh... Relax."

Alice ran her hand through my hair, and I whimpered softly. How many months had it been since I'd had physical contact? Her hand left little tingles on my scalp, 

"You've been out for a few days. Can you remember anything?"

"Mmh... No..."

"Then everything seems to have worked!"

My eyes finally adjusted to the light, and I could see Alice sitting on the bed next to me.

"I'm glad. I was worried that my first attempt would go badly."

"Am I alive?"

Alice stifled a snort. "Yup, you're alive. How do you feel?"

"I just feel like myself." I was slightly disappointed. Alice pursed her lips.

"You're always going to be yourself. Everyone changes."

"Oh."

"Want to try something that might make you feel better?"

"Sure, I guess."

"What's your name?"

"Red, obviously."

"...your real name."

"Oh, right. It's... uh..."

I couldn't remember. All at once, the looming anxiety crashed into my brain. I couldn't remember. It was my name. How did I not remember my own name? I needed to breathe. Something was wrong. I couldn't— 

Alice's fingers stroked my head, and I took a deep breath. I was suddenly grateful that it was Alice taking care of me, and not some doctor I had never met before.

"I feel sick."

"That's okay. You're allowed to be scared."

I realized, a little too late, that I was crying.

"Is it okay if I call you Red?"

"Y-yeah. That's fine."

"Alright. From here on out, your name is Red. You live here, with me, and we work together. Does all of that sound okay?"

"Mhmm."

"Well then, let's start getting you cleaned up."

When she pulled back the blankets, I realized what she meant. I was an absolute mess, still wearing the clothes I had walked in with. I grimaced when I took a whiff of my shirt.

So I took Alice's hand, and we got started.

There was something newly comfortable about her that I couldn't put my finger on. I had always considered her a dear friend, and had even developed a crush on her once or twice— but something was immediately different. Her presence was calming. Just the feeling of her hand holding mine was enough to make me feel secure.

It was this feeling of safety that led me to a master bathroom, gently coaxed me into undressing, and accompanied me into the shower so that she could wash my hair.

It was a few long moments into sitting on the shower stool, suds in my hair and hands on my scalp, that my brain caught up with reality."Hhaaaa-AAAH!" The shout, struggling against my underworked vocal chords, sounded like it came from a completely different person. I skidded off the stool and made my way to the corner of the big shower stall. I tucked my legs up against my body and tried to hide as much of myself as possible.

Alice, who was shamelessly standing there with her hands covered in shampoo, looked at me in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

I stammered, and blushed, and tried to formulate an excuse in my mind.

"Oh. Oh. Oh shit, I'm so sorry!" She smiled sheepishly. "I completely forgot that... well..."

Her smile gave way to a stifled chuckle. She was struggling to keep herself from laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"No, it's just... hold on, I should have gotten you a mirror ages ago. Here."

She reached past the shower door and handed me a little pocket mirror, so that I could get a look at myself. I almost shouted again, because Alice still wasn't wearing any clothes as she walked towards me. Then I saw my reflection.

My face was... well, it wasn't that feminine. Okay, it was pretty feminine. My facial hair was softer and less obvious at a glance, even though I hadn't shaved. Unless Alice had shaved me in my sleep? The image was so weird that I discarded it. When I ran my hand through it, it was more fuzzy than scratchy. And my hair— holy shit, my hair was so long. It ran all the way to my shoulders, and on the top of my head it looked like I had...

"I need to get a bigger mirror."

"Ah-ah, not before you get clean." Alice patted the shower stool. "You have more than enough time, so relax and get back here so that I can finish washing your hair."

"Are... you sure?"

Alice looked at me again with that what-are-you-talking-about stare. "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm just washing your hair. It's not a big commitment or anything."

"That's not..." My voice trailed off.

I sat back down on the stool, hunched over so that Alice could only see my back. Then her fingers were back in my hair, and I felt my back straighten towards her touch. For a moment, I was genuinely worried about coming off as touch-starved.

"I'm sorry, this is probably so gross."

"What are you talking about?" I could feel that incredulous stare again.

"I didn't realize that you were so nonchalant about showering with men you've only known for a couple of years."

The sentence felt odd on my tongue. It came off as accusatory, and I instantly regretted saying it out loud.

But Alice just laughed it off, and continued lathering my hair.

"I hope you don't mind me saying this, but..." She hesitated a little, trying to find the right words. "I don't... really... think of you as a guy."

"Oh."

"I mean, like, yeah, you were a guy—"

The past-tense made my stomach do a little flip.

"— but you're never gross. You're gentle, and kind, and I'm more than comfortable to be vulnerable around you."

"...oh."

"I always kind of wished that you could let yourself be vulnerable around me, but... Well, I guess we don't have to worry about that anymore. Because I've seen just about every vulnerability you have."

I made a weird, concerned groaning noise.

"Oh, right. You don't remember. It's, uh... It's part of the familiar process. I have to know more than a little bit about what makes you 'you,' because otherwise the contract doesn't work. Something like that."

"Something like that?"

"Well, for instance, I can tell that you're incredibly touch-starved and my hands are doing wonders for you right now."

"Mmh." Caught red-handed.

"And this might just be intuition, but... You were just a little too chill about turning into a woman. Just a little bit. Not to mention, you were also pretty nonchalant about getting into a shower with someone you've only known for a couple of years."

"Urk." I couldn't argue with that.

Alice leaned closer. "It's almost like we're both women, and this is nothing to be ashamed of. Am I wrong?"

A shiver went up my spine. Part of me wanted to be literally anywhere else. Another part of me wanted to never leave.

"You have to tell me if I'm wrong, Red. Because if I'm wrong, and I've actually made you really uncomfortable, then that's something we need to have a serious conversation about."

I dragged out the silence for as long as I possibly could. "You're... not... entirely incorrect..."

Alice sighed with relief. "Thank goodness."

"But I'm still gross."

She leaned even closer, and her hands stopped. "Red, you need to stop talking about my friend like that, or I'm going to get mad at you."

"Yes ma'am."

"Good girl." My brain briefly short-circuited. "Now if you're done insulting yourself, I can give your hair a rinse. Is that okay?"

It was, in fact, okay.

Alice was gentle and meticulous. She washed my hair all the way down to the scalp once, then twice. Next was conditioner; it smelled faintly of apples and cinnamon, a scent that would stick in my mind for the rest of the day. While the conditioner set, she poured body wash onto a mesh bath sponge.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes." 

Her hands worked their way along my back, my shoulders, my arms. She was careful with the injuries on my wrists. When she reached my chest, I realized that it was sore and sensitive— like I had just gone on a jog with the wrong kind of shirt. There, too, she made sure to be as gentle as possible. Down the chest to my stomach, around to my hips, and then just above my tailbone, and then... further... out...

My back arched strangely as she lifted my... tail? Up and away from my body, gently washing it as she had done with the rest of me. I felt a muscle that I didn't know I had twitch at the unexpected touch. It wasn't particularly long, but it felt as though it extended out for miles behind me.

"Ooh, it's all fluffy."

"Mnnhhhggg—"

"Weird feeling?"

"Mmh."

"Okay, okay, relax. I'm done washing it."

It fell back to my waist, and I felt the tension in my back ease up. I sighed with relief, and Alice giggled to herself. It was like somebody had attached a wet towel to my tailbone.

"That was quite a reaction."

"I didn't realize that was there..."

"Oh, that's interesting. Anything else feel... off? Like maybe..."

"...my ears, right?"

In response, Alice gently wiggled around two tufts of skin and fur towards the top of my head.

"They're still growing in, but they are very cute."

"Th-thanks."

"I'll let you wash your lower half later."

After that interlude, we returned to the cleanup process. The conditioner and soap got washed off, and then I was draped with a towel and ushered in front of the bathroom mirror.

The ears really were cute.

I was dried off slowly, with attention given to my wrists and my tail. Then my hair was blow dried, which took a small eternity. Afterwards, Alice disinfected my wrists and gently wrapped them up in bandages— proper gauze bandages too, not band-aids. Finally, she let me shave my face with my own razor. After nearly two hours, I felt... clean. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt in a long time.

"Makeup?"

"No thank you."

"That's fine, I rarely wear it either."

With my hair tucked neatly into a ponytail, I was whisked away once again to a different bedroom. I recognized some of Alice's belongings and realized that this was her room.

"Clothes?"

"Yes, clothes."

"Where's my suitcase?"

Alice pouted her lips.

"Okay, fine... I'll try on some clothes..."

"Thank you, Red."

We eventually settled on a buttoned shirt that had belonged to Alice's grandfather. It was far too big for me. We rolled the sleeves up.

"Just baggy enough to be fashionable," she said.

Jeans were next, something that I absolutely insisted on bringing from my suitcase— until I realized that jeans are not something that works particularly well with having a tail, and Alice recommended a skirt.

"But I'm going to look like a pervert."

"You're going to look like a normal person."

"I still have leg hair."

"So do I, dumbass!"

I nervously picked at my bandages. "What if somebody sees?"

"We live in the middle of nowhere, Red."

"Promise you won't make fun of me?"

"Absolutely."

A skirt, as it turns out, worked very well with having a tail. One pair of boxers later, I was finally done.

"How do you feel?"

"Like the world's worst America's Next Top Model contestant. Also, tired."

"Want to take a nap?"

"Yes please."

Without thinking, I flopped onto Alice's bed.

I connected the dots when Alice herself flopped down next to me.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Red?"

"This is... intimate."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm kind of scared."

"It's alright to feel that way."

"I just feel like I'm being super creepy and predatory and you're just letting me do whatever I want because I'm just as vulnerable as you are."

Alice paused for a moment. "That's not true. You haven't done a single thing to make me think that I'm in danger around you. Okay?"

"Okay..."

"To me, you seem anxious and hurt. You're not going to hurt me, and you need my help right now. That's more than enough reasons to take care of you."

Like a wounded animal.

Alice wrapped herself around me from behind and held me close.

"I'm not going to let anybody hurt you. Not even yourself."

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome. Now get your rest."

The last thing I remembered before falling asleep was Alice's lips gently brushing against my neck. And just like that, I felt safe.